From Loss to Found: Walking in my True Self

2013 was a year of much loss, and in some ways, much gain for me. There was so much I went through in my marriage, in my family of origin, in the interior of my life and also in the physical exterior (see picture below). But what was taken in loss and heartache was used to fill me up with peace and the goodness of God.

So, I changed my focus in my graduate studies from an MDiv in Leadership to an MA in Christian Formation & Soul Care. The concepts and practices I am studying resonate so strongly with my core values, it feels as if I have come home from a lifetime of lost wandering. So much of the people pleasing that caused emotional and spiritual dysfunction really seems to have been unloaded through the suffering of loss; replaced by significant peace and knowledge of contemplative practices that heal, restore and invigorate. It seems to have impact on everything; let me give you an example of how it has impacted one area of my life: philosophy of ministry.

After 22 years of lay and vocational ministry experience, my philosophy of ministry is moving from the emphasis on discipling the Body of Christ to service experience of God  (what God wants to do through us) to the emphasis on journeying with the Body of Christ to the experiencing ministry of God (what God wants to do in us); helping people to BE a child of God so that what He does in us will manifest through us. In other words, walking with people to be the person God created them to be so that they do what they were created to do.

It has also had an impact on me physically. . . I've included a picture to show how the LORD has brought me to a place of walking in my true self physically. I lost over 70 pounds.

It has impacted my vocational identity . . . as I spent time in prayer/fasting/Scripture last fall, the LORD gave me Psalm 27:4 as the Scripture foundation of my vocational calling in pastoral ministry:

 One thing have I asked of the LORD,
  that will I seek after:
 that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
  all the days of my life,
 to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
  and to inquire in his temple.

(Psalm 27:4 ESV)

It was an exciting year, 2013. And I am SO glad it is over.

Here's to a new year, 2014. Perhaps I can be more disciplined on this blog than I have in the past.